Light Upon the Mountain
In all my dreams, there was a quiet, mist-shrouded mountain range where the cold breeze carried a sense of stillness. I always strived to be a thoughtful daughter and, later, a dedicated partner. But I know that no person is without flaws, and no life is completely unbroken. Neither my husband, Madhav, nor I are exceptions to that truth.
Our life together possesses a quiet beauty on one side, yet a profound heartache on the other. Just as we had dreamed, we live in a small cottage in a mountain valley, working together as freelance catalogers and writers for antique archives. Sitting at the same wooden desk, spending nearly all our hours side by side, our routine looks like absolute paradise to anyone watching from afar.
If only...
If only Madhav didn't suffer from severe, unrelenting insomnia and deep bouts of depression. If only he didn't have to rely on heavy prescription medications just to calm his racing thoughts. If only our room wasn't constantly heavy with the bitter scent of strong black tea and dense tobacco smoke every single night. If only the path before us were just a little smoother... our life would be truly wonderful.
People often say that standing by someone battling their inner demons is a heavy, painful ordeal. But to me, loving someone through their darkest hours is the purest form of love. If you are reading this right now while fighting your own silent battles, and you have someone who stays by your side even when you feel shattered—please, step in front of a mirror. Look at yourself and acknowledge it: you have someone who loves you unconditionally. Don't let that person down again and again.
On certain nights, sitting before half-finished drafts, I look out at the snow falling gently against the dark sky. A thousand unanswered questions echo in my mind. After enduring these long, exhausting struggles, will I ever truly understand what life demands of us? Will the universe show us kindness and help carry this weight? Will this storm ever pass? Will I be able to stand tall one day, look in the mirror, and say, "You made it. You never gave up on yourself, and you never gave up on him"?
I still hold onto what Madhav once whispered to me: "Our dreams will live on through our children." I carry a simple hope—that one day, we will build a peaceful, healthy, and happy family together. Yes, one day.
If he is unwell, I will care for him. If he asks for support, I will give it. If there is something within me he wishes to see grow, I will change.
Because I love him, with all my heart.